Awesome Green Brother Quotes

From Omnictionary

Contents 1 In chronological order 2 1984 2.1 August 3 2003 3.1 July 3.2 August 4 2007 4.1 January 4.2 February 4.3 April 4.4 May 4.5 July 4.6 August 4.7 October 4.8 November 4.9 December 5 2008 5.1 January 5.2 February 5.3 March 5.4 April 5.5 May 5.6 June 5.7 July 5.8 August 5.9 October 5.10 November 6 2009 6.1 February 6.2 March 6.3 April 6.4 May 6.5 June 6.6 July 6.7 August 6.8 November 6.9 December 7 2010 7.1 March 7.2 April

In chronological order

1984

August

• "Today was a great day. My brother got sick." (The entirety of John Green's diary entry, August 11th, 1984)

2003

July

• "I like my job, of course, or at least I like it a lot more than most of the other jobs for which I am qualified (roofer, dishwasher, law school student). But I don't like my job nearly as much as I like wearing the same t-shirt for seven days straight...I'm just kidding. I wouldn't really do that. I would write all the time, of course. I would move to a little house...with a brokedown porch, and I'd sit on my porch and write...and feel the tension of Southern modernity all around me, which would be reflected brilliantly in my novels, which would sell like hotcakes and get short-listed for awards. I know what you're wondering. You're wondering how I can even fantasize about having that kind of writing life when I clearly just sandwiched two "which" clauses into one sentence.

Touche, mon grammatical ami. Too. Shay." (John Green @ Tuesday, July 29, 2003) [Sparks Fly Up]

Note: So Walt Disney was right all along! Dreams really do come true....

August

• "Note to self: Goats and alarm clocks as symbols for utilitarianism" (John Green @ Thursday, August 28, 2003 )

2007

January

• “Hey John. I guess you’ve heard by now…*beepbeep*…auto power off?! Why the f***…? Still some glitches to work out. Hello John. By now you have received my message that we will no longer be communicating through any textual means. No more instant messaging. No more e-mailing. Only video blogging. And possibly phone calls. You can see my eeeeeye in my eeeeeye. Ahhhhhhh. Ok just try to ignore that. There. You can’t see it now, can you? Last night I sent you an e-mail from a New Years Eve party in Lake Tahoe. The e-mail outlined our plans. Starting on January 1st, today, I will send you a video blog. Tomorrow you will reply to that video blog. We will continue like this until the year is up. If one of us fails to send a video blog on a weekday, there will be certain punishments. The punishments will be outlined later. I finished this e-mail, cross my heart, hope to die, and I may very possibly be required to stick a needle in my eye. That’s the kind of punishment I’m talking about. Brotherhood 2.0 commences today. Does that make us crazy? Probably.” (Hank Green, January 1st, 1st words spoken on Brotherhood 2.0)

• "I've just spent two hours and thirteen minutes downloading your two minute, one second video which can mean only one thing: that I'm at Mom and Dad's house - the last residence in the United States of America with dial-up internet." (John Green, January 2nd)

• “I would like to propose a list. We make a video blog list of the ways in which we are very, very different people. Things like, in the last few years John Green has gotten kind of pudgy; whereas, in the next few years Hank Green will get kind of pudgy.” (Hank Green, January 3rd)

• “I think one of the most important differences between us is that you are excellent at living in a way that is commensurate with your values, whereas I am not. For instance, I didn’t recycle until I watched An Inconvenient Truth and I’m still sort of iffy on it. And also, I didn’t vote in 2000, even though I could have voted in Florida *hits self on head repeatedly* Ahh George Bush! It’s all my fault! God! So stupid! *sigh* Let’s change the subject. Also, we have vastly different happy dances.” (John Green, January 4th)

• “What do you call a baby present? A baby warming present? Baby…shower…baby…baby…a baby present!” (John Green, January 4th)

• (on the phone with Daniel Biss) "If I pay Al Gore ninety-six dollars, I will not have any global warming attached to my name. I think you can pay him directly; I think you just write him a check, and he just takes care of it. He does! He eats the carbon. That's exactly right. That's how he does it. He eats the carbon and then when he poops it out, it's actually political gold." (John Green, January 10th)

• "At some point while in Detroit, I met a really, like a tiny chicken. I don't actually remember this tiny chicken but I'm almost positive we had an encounter. Because this tiny chicken has laid tiny eggs in my head...those tiny eggs are growing. And hatching. And the baby tiny chickens are feeding on my brain." (Hank Green, January 11th)

• "You know what ambrosia tastes like? It tastes like all the things you can't eat on Weight Watchers: cheeseburgers, sugar cookies, regular frickin' ice cream, instead of, like, ice cream that's made out of air... and human hope." (John Green, January 26th)

February

• "Hey Hey, Ho Ho, into Hanks pants we gotta go. Hey Hey, Ho Ho, into Hanks pants we gotta go... poop." (John Green, February 7th)
• "But everyone has a cross to bear. Some people have chronic back pain. Some people are on team Karen. Some people are Republicans." (John Green, February 7th)

April

• "I'm at the eye doctor. I'm always at the eye doctor. It's like this is my profession. I am no longer a writer, I'm now an optomoligical patient. By the way, this job doesn't pay well." (John Green, April 10th)

May

• "Then, thirteen hundred years after they've lain waste to our empire, the winged beasts, created by an unholy coalition of NASA and the Ohio Aerospace Institute, return. They've achieved their goal. They have converted the earth into one giant petrochemical factory, and they fly off in peace and happiness into the sunset, never to be seen again by human eyes BECAUSE WE'RE ALL DEAD." (Hank Green, May 7th [video for ecogeek])

• John 1: "Is that a tree house?" John 2: "Yeah it is." John 1: "You saw a house with a tree house? Thats awesome! John 2: "Yeah it was pretty cool, it was a cool house. John 1: "Hey did that house have any other really cool features? John 2: "It had a pub room." John 1: "Dude, you saw a house that had a tree house and it had a bar, downstairs, where you can have two differant kinds of beer on tap? John 2: Yeah? It was pretty nice I guess? John 1: Dude, why didn't you buy that house? John 2: Well, because the Yeti was all like, 'We need bedrooms.'(John Green, May 10)

July

• "I need Harry Potter like a grindylow needs water." (Hank Green, July 18th)

• "Saying 'I notice you're a nerd' is like saying, 'Hey, I notice that you'd rather be intelligent than be stupid, that you'd rather be thoughtful than be vapid, that you believe that there are things that matter more than the arrest record of Lindsay Lohan. Why is that?' In fact, it seems to me that most contemporary insults are pretty lame. Even 'lame' is kind of lame. Saying 'You're lame' is like saying 'You walk with a limp.' Yeah, whatever, so does 50 Cent, and he's done all right for himself." (John Green, July 27th)

August

• "Mitt Romney anagrams both to 'metro minty,' so I guess we can count on him for gay rights, but also anagrams to 'r not my time' which is the lolcat way of saying 'maybe in 2012.'" (Hank Green, August 9th)

October

• "Hank, it’s said that when Dom Pérignon had his first sip of champagne, he called out to another monk, 'Come quickly! I am tasting the stars!' I’ll drink to that." (John Green, October 22nd)

• "I’m wearing blue lollypop lipstick." (Hank Green, October 23rd)

• "And for a minute, Hank, I was like, 'Wow! Nerdfighters cured poverty!'" (John Green, October 24th)

• "I am the toilet paper-eating king of the world!" (John Green, October 28th)

• "God, I love rainbows." (John Green, October 30th)

November

• “I mean seriously, George Bush, have you ever liked a leader of a country who turned out not to be a total jackass? Like remember when you first met with Vladimir Putin and you said you could see into his soul and you saw that it was a good soul? Excellent call, George Bush. And then do you remember all the wonderful things you said about Musharraf? It’s almost like you have really questionable judgment.” (John Green, November 5th)

• “I don’t want to get into the details of what happened to me at the doctor’s office, but suffice it to say that I was wearing a gown and I don’t like to be touched there.” (John Green, November 19th)

• “I’m thankful that I have 2 functioning eyes, 3 Nerdfighter t-shirts, and 1 beautiful Yeti.” (John Green, November 21st)

• “The people that love us don’t want our money! They want our time! They want to know we care.” (Hank Green, November 23rd)

• “I really think that reading is just as important as writing when you’re trying to be a writer, because it’s the only apprenticeship we have. It’s the only way of learning how to write a story.” (John Green, November 26th)

• “So those are my 2 pieces of advice: Read a lot and more elf!” (John Green, November 26th)

• "MORE ELF." (John Green, November 26th)

• “If I’m too old to be Emo, how do you account for the very Emo and very old Edgar Allan Poe? Checkmate!” (John Green, November 28th)

• “And for those of you who’ve never been here before, the Nerdfighters and Secret Siblings in My Pants have teamed up to decrease WorldSuck…using a scavenger hunt. Pretty jokes. Yeah. We have terminology. Sorry about that.” (Hank Green, November 29th)

• “By the way I don’t like Uncle Sam either. I find him pervy.” (John Green, November 30th)

• “I don’t like reindeer. They seem like regular deer, only more dangerous. I don’t like elves unless they are played by Liv Tyler. And I really don’t like toy soldiers. Toy soldiers freak me out.” (John Green, November 30th)

• “I don’t like eggnog. If I wanna eat eggs, I wanna eat eggs. And if I wanna drink, I wanna drink. But I don’t wanna do both at the same time.” (John Green, November 30th)

December

• “‘Will you marry me?’ That would make me a felon and I don’t wanna go to prison. Nerdfighters don’t win in prison.” (John Green, December 4th)

• “‘Why is the name of your website “SparksFlyUp?"’ It’s taken from a line from the book of Job in the Bible: ‘Man is born to trouble like the sparks fly upwards.’” (John Green, December 4th)

• “‘Who the eff is Hank?’ Hank is a mass of incandescent gas located about 26,000 light years from the center of the Milky Way. Hank is responsible for 99.8% of the solar system’s mass. If you stare at Hank for too long, you will go blind.” (John Green, December 4th)

• “‘What does the Yeti look like?’ She looks kind of like a kitten wrestling a rainbow.” (John Green, December 4th)

• “The top 3 nerdglasses jokes so far: Number 3.) ‘Did you get those from the British National Health Service?’ Number 2.) ‘I’m not gonna make a joke because I assume the glasses themselves are a joke.’ And number 1.) ‘You look exactly like Uncle Junior from The Sopranos.’” (John Green, December 6th)

• “I would just drink the tap water here, but it tastes like poison.” (John Green, December 6th)

• “You got really angry, not because it hurt, but because you were afraid that I had messed up your braces…which is pretty much the nerdiest response to getting punched in the mouth ever. ‘Oh my God, my orthodontics might be messed up!’ Nerds for life.” (Hank Green, December 7th)

• “That’s right, Hank, I’m strikin’ in my jammie pants! ‘Hey, hey, pencils down! Hollywood’s a union town! And so, I guess, is Indianapolis!’” (John Green, December 10th)

• “As Hassan would say, ‘Daddy wants to make a movie.’” (John Green, December 10th)

• “You may be wondering why there are words on my hands. That’s because I’m a dork. And I’m gonna choose not to explain myself.” (Hank Green, December 11th)

• “‘Nerdfighter pwns woot. Everyone knows that.’” (John Green, December 12th)

• “Thanks for dying for us, Mr. Tree. We appreciate it. Your life is worth 15 dollars!” (Hank Green, December 13th)

• “Jafanuary.” (Hank Green, December 13th)

• “It’s better for one cat to wander around nutless than for all of his dozens of progeny to be miserable in the cold because no one will love them.” (Hank Green, December 17th)

• “Good morning, Hank, it’s Tuesday, December 18th and this is what the Most Discussed page of YouTube looks like: Nerdfighter, Nerdfighter, Nerdfighter, Nerdfighter, Nerdfighter, Nerdfighter, Nerdfighter, Nerdfighter, Nerdfighter, Nerdfighter, Mike Huckabee.” (John Green, December 18th)

• “‘Who the eff is Hank?’ Hank is a small island in the Pacific Ocean. First colonized by the Spanish in 1521, Hank is today known primarily for his beautiful coral reefs and large American military presence.” (John Green, December 18th)

• “This is the final Song Wednesday of Brotherhood 2.0, because it is my last Wednesday. Holy crap.” (Hank Green, December 19th)

• “The punchline was always “Poop,” Hank.” (John Green, December 28th)

• “Hank, before I go I need to make one thing clear, Nerdfighters are not about you and me. Nerdfighters are about a made of awesome book made by a woman in Australia going to a made of awesome baby in the United States. Nerdfighters are about raising money and awareness for important causes. Nerdfighters are about building a supportive community of friends in My Pants. Nerdfighters are about stupid, beautiful projects and making each other laugh and think with t-shirts and pocket protectors and rants about the situation in Pakistan…which sucks right now.” (John Green, December 28th)

• “In the contemporary world where things fall apart and the center cannot hold, you have to imagine a community where there is no center.” (John Green, December 28th)

• Hank: “And though it is true that our project is ending…”

• John: “The rules, it seems, may need some amending.”

• Hank: “To all of YouTube we must say:”

• John and Hank: “John and Hank Green are here to stay.”

• Hank: “Oh, hello to whatever comes next.”

• John: “Here’s to a thousand more Secret Projects.”

• Hank: “We fell in love with Nerdfighting and couldn’t let it go…So, to 2008 we say ‘Hello!’” (Hank and John Green, December 31st)

2008

January

• “Ning is a fun word to say. Ning. Ning! Ning! Ning! Niiiiing!” (John Green, January 4th)

• “‘Who the eff is Hank?’ Hank is a spherical mass of ice and rock, visible from Earth only with a telescope. Approximately one fifth the size of the Earth’s moon, Hank was considered the 9th planet in our solar system until recently when it was announced that Hank is, in fact, just something orbiting out there in the distance.” (John Green, January 8th)

• “Dear Evolution,

I have always believed in you, and I have always defended you. Now make me a puppy-sized elephant!

Your friend, John.” (John Green, January 8th)

• “‘Which disease would you most want to have?’ Um, Hyperawesometitus.” (John Green, January 8th)

• “I really have to admire all of these people’s ability to completely ignore me.” (Hank Green, January 13th)

• “Dear human,

Thank you for your letter. We made you a puppy-sized elephant, but then you killed it. Fancy that.

You’re welcome for your thumbs, Evolution.” (John Green, January 21st)

• “I am not a ographer.” (John Green, January 30th)

February

• “Now, I know that it might be strange to have half of 5 people scare the s*** out of you, but it turns out that half of John McCain scares the s*** out of me, but the other half doesn’t. That’s how he makes me feel. Romney and Huckabee, they scare the s*** out of me all the way. Yeah. (Hank Green, February 4th)

• "*singing* I got a man-crush on Obama.” (Hank Green, February 4th)

• John: “‘Who the eff is Hank?’”

Hank: “Hank is a veteran of the CIA directorate of operations and Navy Seal Team 3. He is 5 foot 10 inches tall, weighs 170 pounds, and has green eyes. Hank was an operative of the 3rd Eschelon, a clandestine division of the National Security Agency. Hank is extremely agile and an expert in the art of stealth. When in the field, Hank prefers to work alone.” (John Green, February 8th)

• “Everyone knows that drinking milk from Nerdfighting cows is the number 1 way to get your recommended daily allowance of awesome.” (John Green, February 8th)

• “We’re people who love giraffes who love giraffes.” (John Green, February 21st)

• “When it came time for the phone call to end, they were like, ‘All right, well, take care. Talk to you soon.’ And I said, ‘Best wishes!’ Best wishes!?” (John Green, February 26th)

• “John, I know exactly what you’re talking about. Whenever you get a haircut, they’re like, ‘Oh, here, just let me take your glasses.’ And you’re like, ‘No! No! I wanna see what you’re doing!’ Fantastic Sam my ass!” (Hank Green, February 27th)

March

• “‘Have you ever forgotten to be awesome and totally humiliated yourself?’ Best wishes!” (John Green, March 4th)

• “‘What’s your favorite quote?’ ‘You shall love your crooked neighbor with your crooked heart.’” (John Green, March 4th)

• “‘In your opinion, what is the least useful superpower?’ I dunno, like, supersonic knitting? The ability to tell time with your moustache?” (John Green, March 4th)

• John: “‘Who the eff is Hank?’”
• Hank: “Hank is a sausage covered in cornbread batter and deep-fried.” (John Green, March 4th)

• “I don’t think anybody ever Tweets their poops. I could Tweet my poops. I think my doctor actually suggested that I Tweet my poops. I’m so old. Note to people who are confused: Hank Green has a dysfunctional colon!” (Hank Green, March 21st)

April

• “Welcome to the degeneration of my mind.” (Hank Green, April 1st)

• "...At first I had 103 degree fever for like five days, and then I started to feel better except that my skin got all blotchy, and then it started to get itchy. At first scratching it is like complete and total heaven, just being like ah... ah.. ah... yes... yesssss and immediately after I stop scratching it's like ARGGHHH!! ITCHY SCRATCHY PAIN OF DEATH & DOOM AND OHHH IT'S SO ITCHY" (Hank Green, April 16th)

• “‘If the Yeti were a vampire, would you want her to bite you so that you could spend eternity together?’ Well, first off, your question presumes that I’m not a vampire, which offends me. I mean, how do you know that I’m not a vampire? I’m very pale. I’ve got bronze hair. I mean, I’d be pretty fat for a vampire, but it’s totally possible.” (John Green, April 21st)

• "I am good at finger moustaches, but I am terrible at remembering where the sidebar is." (John Green, April 28th)

• “Hello, my name is Hank Green, and in early 2008, my brother helped me kill a man. We have blood on our hands!” (Hank Green, April 30th)

• "Every time the Super Bowl comes around, once a year, it eats up more than a hundred and fifty lives. Interestingly, according to a video I just watched, people have spent about that much time making Wikipedia. The largest collection of knowledge in the universe was created in the same amount of time it takes for a hundred million Americans to watch the Super Bowl. Huh?!? I don't understand!" (Hank Green, April 30th)

• “What you should be doing is watching us while you poop. Multi-tasking!” (Hank Green, April 30th)

May

• “I was like, to the concierge, ‘Hey, um, where do you get all the party blowers?’ And he was like, ‘Sir, I’m not legally allowed to answer that question.’” (John Green, May 5th)

• “When I get, like, excited and busy, I get almost Hankian.” (John Green, May 6th)

• “Willie’s a pretty adorable puppy, particularly when you’re appreciating him through the medium of video so that you’re not aware of the fact that he always smells a little bit like his own pee.” (John Green, May 18th)

• “The only thing I fear more than our planet becoming uninhabitable to humans is my neighbors thinking I’m a crazy liberal.” (John Green, May 19th)

• “‘What’s your favorite band?’ I don’t know, probably rubber. Oh, wait you mean, like, musical band. Uh, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, The Mountain Goats are so jokes.” (John Green, May 20th)

• “‘Who the eff is Hank?’ Hank is a tiny yellow song bird said to represent the soul of France. Hank has an important, but as yet undetermined, role in the Omnictionary project.” (John Green, May 20th)

• "Men of Youtube you are freaking me out" (John Green, May 20th)

• "Oh my God, that's our premise." (John Green, May 20th)

June

• “The worse the haircut, the better the man.” (John Green, June 4th)

• “You can buy political experience; you can’t buy 7 fingers!” (John Green, June 4th)

• “There are probably thousands of people watching this right now…and I think I know what every single one of them is thinking, ‘Why is he making a video inside of a shower?’” (Hank Green, June 8th)

• “I’m on vacation. Which means I’m in a hotel room. With Katherine. It’s kind of a block. I can’t, when there’s somebody around, I can’t really do it. I don’t, I don’t mean…I mean, like, making videos. I can’t make videos when there’s other people in the room. I…There are several other things that I can’t do when there are other people in the room, but that, that’s what I’m talking about right now.” (Hank Green, June 8th)

• “All we are is monkeys with pants!” (Hank Green, June 8th)

• “Ok, 60 seconds with the 14th Century: Aaaaaand go. Hi, John Green here from the distant future. I know these make me look weird, but they help me to see better. The plague is spread by rats; you should try to . Also, the plague itself is like a little miniature animal: it gets inside your body and it pwns you. I know this sounds crazy, but if you eat the right amount of the fungus penicillium, you can kill the plague inside of you. Generally, to prevent the spread of these invisible monsters, you want to wash your hands and body a lot with water and soap. Also, leaches don’t work. New subject: science. The earth is round. The sun is at the center of the solar system. The speed of light is invariant. The moon is not made of cheese, it’s made of rock. It turns out the question of how many angels you can fit on the head of a pin isn’t very interesting. And if you put a cat inside of a box with poison and you close the box, the cat is both alive and dead until such a time as you open the box. Next, the future course of history. If you live in Europe, or, indeed, if you don’t know what the word ‘Europe’ means, you’re about to be in big trouble. Listen closely peoples of non-Europe: If you see a dude who looks like me, kill him! DFTBA, people of the 14th Century.” (John Green, June 19th)

• "If you’re at a party and Tony Shalhoub or Angela Lansbury or Hercule Poirot show up, just leave! Leave, leave, run away! Because either your jewels are gonna get stolen or you are gonna get whacked!" (Hank Green, June 24th)

• "Hank, I am about to speak Tobian to you and I am not making it up. Erimi chen hin chirihetrae: He is sucking the bark of the tree. Has pamukengie: Take the pumpkin! Hotowai hapungu chirara: Don’t suck on that bone!" (John Green, June 26th)

July

• “You know, once you finish a book, they want you to transform from an extraordinarily pale nerd who sits in a basement and writes all day to some kind of like selling machine. So, I’m trying to practice a little bit, but really all I wanna do is stay home, make videos, eat Peeps, and hang out with Willy.” (John Green, July 8th)

• “According to my mom, the meanest thing Hank ever did to me was try to kill me with a hammer and the meanest thing I ever did to him was spill some red cough syrup on his bed spread and then hug him too hard.” (John Green, July 8th)

• “These gigantic glasses want you to subscribe!” (Hank Green, July 22nd)

• “By the way, if you’re wondering why I’m not talking about the gravitational miracle that is my hair today, it’s because when I talk about it, it gets puffier.” (John Green, July 30th)

• “Maybe my hair is being like this because it’s scared of all the awesome.” (John Green, July 30th)

• “Sorry Washington Monument, but you got pwned by a beautiful, silver bean.” (John Green, July 30th)

August

• "Can't you just see Hank robbing banks? 'Alright I need all of you to get down on the ground, contemplate the size of your carbon footprints, and give me all your money because daddy needs some new corn dogs'." (John Green, August 6th)

October

• "If bookstores sold books like Harry Potter a week early, J.K. Rowling would hire an army of Harry Potter mercenaries, and they would go and kill Barnes and Noble with special wands that shoot bullets out of them and are called AK-47s." (Hank Green, October 9th)

• "... and you've got this lame ass, dirty picture on the back [of Let It Snow] too. Generally can't tell on the YouTube video, but John looks like he has just taken a bath. In dirtcakes. He needs a washin'. Mom's not gonna be happy." (Hank Green, October 9th)

• "...and for those of you who I can't see, you're seeing me now, and I see you. I can feel you on the other side of the camera. I can-- ...'auto-power off?' 'Auto-pow-- I don't know why this camera does that. We're having a moment, and it 'auto-power-offed' me." (Hank Green, October 9th)

November

• "And so it begins, the great American Tour De Nerdfighting 2008 featuring Hank, John, the Katherine, and a Minivan! (clicks heels)" (John Green, November 3rd)
• "COWS!" (John Green, November 3rd)
• "Nerdighters make me believe in America again." (John Green, November 3rd)

• "Our role as humans is to recognize the complexity of others." (John Green, November 5th)

• "And I thought to myself, 'Huh. I feel kind of like a Jonas Brother. I think I gotta go take a shower.'" (Hank Green, November 5th)

• "There was about thirty minutes where they were both asleep, in the morning, where I totally dominated at cows. I was up like seven to nothing. I didn't want to wake them up so I'd be very quiet like (whisper)cows. Cows." (John Green, November 5th)

• "I wanted to, you know, get my story out in the world, which, it turns out, is a very misguided notion." (John Green, November 5th)

• "John and I have done this at some of the gatherings; it's a nerdfighter chant, and I kinda want everybody to know it so we can all do it together. It goes like this: "Yes we are Nerdfighters, and the world is in luck because we increase the awesome and we decrease the suck!" (Hank Green, November 6th)

• "...And I just wanted to say to you, that John Green should have become President, but he lost to this scoundrel named Barack Obama. I will never forget John Green's historic run for the office. John Green 2008. Always remember the power of the John Green. I would totally not have been his Vice President though." (Hank Green, November 7th)

2009

February

• "There are at least two distinct meanings of 'hot': there is the, like, normal human definition which is that 'this individual seems suitable for mating'. And then there's the weird, culturally constructed definition of 'hot' which means, 'that individual is malnourished and has probably had plastic bags inserted into her breasts'. Like, I think if you went back to the 18th century and asked a 15-year-old boy, 'Would you like to marry a woman who has had plastic bags needlessly inserted into her breasts?' that 15-year-old boy would probably be like... 'What's plastic?'" (John Green, February 24th)

March

• "Hey hey, ho ho, into a skirt Hanks gotta go!" (John Green, March 29)

April

• "I think that it's important to like stuff, cause we spend a lot of time thinking about things we dont like. Whether its the world ending, or inequality, or sex and the city. We often just accept the things that we like, and complain a lot about the things that we don't like. But if we could, like, intensely dwell on the really great things in life the way we intensely dwell on the negative things in life; I think that would be fantastic." (Hank Green, April 1st)

May

• "You just got Edgar Allan PWNED!!" (John Green, May 10)

June

• "We have this weird thing in the world, where you don't get insulted for what you do, you get insulted for who you are." (John Green, June 28)

July

• About Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince movie: "And then I really liked the movie, because it was funny but it was sad and it didn't tell destructive lies about teenage sexuality like some other movies I've seen recently. And Ron Weasley has gotten so buff!" (John Green, July 19)

• "Because nerds like us are allowed to be unironically enthusiastic about stuff... Nerds are allowed to love stuff, like jump-up-and-down-in-the-chair-can't-control-yourself love it. Hank, when people call people nerds, mostly what they're saying is 'you like stuff.' Which is just not a good insult at all. Like, you are just too enthusiastic about the miracle of human consciousness. " (John Green, July 19)

• Discussing artificial intelligence 20 questions game: "I tried it with puppy-sized elephants.....But then it guessed...Unicorns. I mean, Hank, I was thinking of puppy-sized elephants, the most outrageously wonderful creature not currently in existence. And it guessed unicorns, which everyone knows were left off the ark for a reason! Unicorns. It's despicable." (John Green, July 19)

August

• "It should be naked, but not NAKED naked." (John Green, 1 August.)

• "Robert Pattinson, you may be nothing but a series of constructions made up by people who love you, but you're still real in my heart." (John Green, August 5)

• "Don't make stuff because you want to make money, it will never make you enough money. And don't make stuff because you want to be famous, because you will never feel famous enough. Make gifts for people. And work hard on making those gifts in the hope that those people will notice, and like the gifts...Your responsibility is not to the people you are making the gift for, but to the gift itself." (John Green, August 25)

• "Hey there, lovely. You wanna come down to my basement? If you come, I'll give you a pirate puppy."

November

• "My problem with the National Anthem is that it is a song about the defense of ideals. Not a song about the ideals themselves." (Hank Green, November 25th)

• "True love will triumph in the end, which may or may not be true, but if it's a lie, it's the most beautiful lie we have." (John Green, November 29th [John Reviews Twilight and New Moon]

December

• "No, as it happens, I am not any wearing pants. This is youtube, not a country club!"

• "Why'd you change where you film? Oh, there were a bunch of reasons, the whole home re--Holy Snood, is that a crib? What is a crib.... THE YETI IS GONNA HAVE A LITTLE YETI! WINKITTY!" (John Green, December 15)

"Sunday, December 20th? FRENCH THE LLAMA, that means I'm scheduled to have a baby in exactly one month! ...Sarah's gonna have it, but you know I'm gonna be there annoying her. Being like, 'Does it hurt? Really? Is it bad? Is it like a wedgie? Well, but is it like a worse version of a wedgie?" (December 20)

• "Avatar, which cost 250 million dollars to make, was beaten by the Project for Awesome, which costs $0" (John Green, Dec. 20)

2010

March

"I love Nerdfighteria because it's a place where people who have felt on the outside looking in, to be on the inside of something awesome and important." (John Green, March 1st)

"Jeff Zucker, Nerdfighteria may be nothing more than a YouTube based community, but we are more real than all your reality shows combined." (John Green, March 1st)

"It's so rare in life that the word 'fortunately' precedes the words 'they have poisonous poop.'"

April

"I'm still in my kid/Ask that it be that have to say I don't understand/Called grandpa, or I am going to say/The sky is because in space there are these giant birds like terry battle/That ended and over that atmosphere/Except when they are state with a gray/And that is why house are gray/There are signs/The disease/And I believe deep down in there/These birds that for leading the world in of the fact the color of our sky/And I will be a failure." (April 5th, Hank Green quoting Google's auto captioning of John Green in an earlier video)