Awesome Green Brother Quotes

In chronological order

"Today was a great day. My brother got sick." (The entirety of John Green's diary entry, August 11th, 1984)

"I've just spent two hours and thirteen minutes downloading your two minute, one second video which can mean only one thing: that I'm at Mom and Dad's house - the last residence in the United States of America with dial-up internet." (John Green, January 2nd)

(on the phone with Daniel Biss) "If I pay Al Gore ninety-six dollars, I will not have any global warming attached to my name. I think you can pay him directly; I think you just write him a check, and he just takes care of it. He does! He eats the carbon. That's exactly right. That's how he does it. He eats the carbon and then when he poops it out, it's actually political gold." (John Green, January 10th)

"You know what ambrosia tastes like? It tastes like all the things you can't eat on Weight Watchers. Cheeseburgers, sugar cookies, regular frikkin' ice cream, instead of, like, ice cream that's made out of air... and human hope." (John Green, January 26th)

"Saying 'I notice you're a nerd' is like saying, 'Hey, I notice that you'd rather be intelligent than be stupid, that you'd rather be thoughtful than be vapid, that you believe that there are things that matter more than the arrest record of Lindsay Lohan. Why is that?' In fact, it seems to me that most contemporary insults are pretty lame. Even 'lame' is kind of lame. Saying 'You're lame' is like saying 'You walk with a limp.' Yeah, whatever, so does 50 Cent, and he's done all right for himself." (John Green, July 27th)

"Mitt Romney anagrams both to 'metro minty,' so I guess we can count on him for gay rights, but also anagrams to 'r not my time' which is the lolcat way of saying 'maybe in 2012.'" (Hank Green, August 9th)

"...At first I had 103 degree fever for like five days, and then I started to feel better except that my skin got all blotchy, and then it started to get itchy. At first scratching it is like complete and total heaven, just being like ah... ah.. ah... yes... yesssss and immediately after I stop scratching it's like ARGGHHH!! ITCHY SCRATCHY PAIN OF DEATH & DOOM AND OHHH IT'S SO ITCHY" (Hank Green, April 16th)

"I am good at finger moustaches, but I am terrible at remembering where the sidebar is." (John Green, April 28th)

"Every time the Super Bowl comes around, once a year, it eats up more than a hundred and fifty lives. Interestingly, according to a video I just watched, people have spent about that much time making Wikipedia. The largest collection of knowledge in the universe was created in the same amount of time it takes for a hundred million Americans to watch the Super Bowl. Huh?!? I don't understand!" (Hank Green, April 30th)